I found you hiding in my dreams

by Ashley J Smith
(Namibia)

I found you hiding in my dreams… in places untouched by time’s passing
I found you alive… in visions of two lovers parting the morning’s first rays by pouring themselves into each other…
I found you in my thoughts… remembering how your body used to arch toward my touch… remembering how you used to kiss my tears away…
And how the world turned in shades so deep, the colours were etched onto my soul…
I found you in the memories of a rain-swept morning when I sang to you as I took you home the first time…
I found you when I looked down at my hand and remembered how it used to cradle yours…
How we used to laugh when life first challenged…how we used to inhale each other in like the very air that keeps us alive even in this pain…
I found you in moments of self-doubt when I told you that you were the best…
I found you when life’s subtle advances upon our joined hearts began to make us come undone…
And the place we had come from seemed so far away… and we could not return to our love…
I found you in remembrance of that final morning I held you close... and we kissed for the last time…
And even when I said I would come for you and I knew that you did not want me to…
I was prepared to beak myself in pieces to show you how much losing your love had brought me low…
I was prepared to lament and grieve over us till there was nothing left of me but bitterness at time’s vain passing…
I found you in the rain outside our old house where only two were allowed inside that world of me and you…
I found you in front of the mirror as I stared and marveled at your beauty and wondered how I got so lucky to have you in my arms each night…
But Amanda I also found you in my tears that smear saltiness in the deep-deep incisions in my heart left by our love’s passing…
And holding onto you would mean losing me…
So from today I shall look for you less and less inside the places deep within I know you can be found…
And one day I shall say my final goodbyes to the love you laid in its stone-cold grey tomb…

By Ashley J Smith